are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
