As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
