We won't sleep together?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
