Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
