I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
