i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
