I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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