I need help removing her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
