Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
