you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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