You made me cry and you don't even care
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
