There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
