i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
