I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
