a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
