you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
