I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
