Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
