We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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