I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
