I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
