if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
