i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
