I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
