O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
