i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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