Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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