I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
