I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
