Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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