In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
