When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
