you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
