You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
