best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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