Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
