Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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