Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Randomize
