Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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