For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
