we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
