she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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