Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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