Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
