I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
