I smell stomach acid.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
