Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
