Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
