Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I did not marry a roomba.
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