my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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