Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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